My epiphany

So, I was talking with my dad on the phone on Monday, talking about what an awesome time I am having here. I told him I love it so much and don't want to leave, yet I still long for home. I long to hug my family for an indefinite amount of time, I long to drive a car, to go an entire day without eating rice and beans, to have long talks in English with old friends, to go outside at night and not be afraid of being mugged, to be able to say something smart or funny without thinking about it for 5 minutes and then messing it up when I finally say it. At the same time, I love it so much here-part of me even loves all those things I just mentioned (except for being afraid of getting mugged). I have loved learning to and adapting to this culture, and truthfully, I'm kind of scared to go back to the States. I know I have changed and my view of the world has changed, while everyone back home is expecting the same old me. Not that I'm a completely different person, but there is no one back home who will ever be able to fully understand the experience I've had. I love it here and want to stay!!
After I got off the phone with my dad, I was journaling my thoughts about this. I wrote this sentence: "I know that, although I love it here, this is not my home and I long for my 'real' home. I need to accept the amount of time God has given me here, be thankful for it, then go where He leads me." Then it hit me: this is such a great picture of life on Earth! This is not our home, and although we love it, we know we will be going to our true home someday. We need to accept the amount of time God has given us here, then when He calls us Home, joyfully run into His arms to embrace Him forever.
It is also a picture of being in the world but not of it. I came here with my entire life's experience in the American culture. I had to learn a lot about the way they do things here, and I had to adapt a lot. Some things, I have been able to adapt to, while others are still very strange for me. As I have learned everything, I have filtered it through the knowledge that I have of life in the States. I have adapted to some things, like the Greeting Kiss, rice and beans, and the relaxed time schedule, while still keeping the same mindset I had in the States. I don't have to become a Tica-I will actually never be a true Tica (which makes me kind of sad)-but I can still live here in harmony with the people here. Just like, as a believer, I am in this culture but should always be mindful of the place I am from-and adapt to the things I can while remembering my values and beliefs.
I'm sure all of this sounds so basic and elementary, but when it clicked in my head I was so excited. I knew all of this before, but the comparison to what I am experiencing now was just what I needed!! I love it when God uses things like this to teach me-or reteach me-new things!! He is so good, isn't He??

New experiences

Well, another week has absolutely flown by!! I am getting ready for the end of the month, as my Spanish class will be over and I will start a new one next month. I have had several projects and presentations due, so I've mainly stayed busy with that. This weekend I went to Manuel Antonio again, which was OK. We took a sailboat tour on Saturday, and almost all of us got really seasick. So it wasn't as enjoyable as I would have hoped, but the part where I wasn't sick was fun!! :-) We stayed in a hostel, which we have done before, but this weekend we didn't have our own room. We were in a dormitory with 13 beds. It was a unique experience...I'm pretty sure there was never a time at night when everyone was alseep or even in the room. Someone was always coming or going. But everyone was very friendly and the atmosphere was so relaxed. We were kind of worried about our stuff getting stolen, but they had a safe to put it in, and I think everyone there was pretty nice and didn't have an interest in stealing other people's stuff.

I still feel like God is working on me in ways I don't know yet, but I am just trying to really listen to Him. This weekend I was reminded of who I am-a Daughter of the Most High God (this phrase is copyright of the wonderful Windy Hall and has stuck with me since the 9th grade) -and no matter where I go, this is my identity. It was very freeing to remember this, although I'm not sure why...I don't feel like I was struggling with identity in my faith. However, just to realize that although my faith is being tested, I am still His and have been made clean and pure was so reassuring. I think something happens to me when I see the ocean...I am reminded of how absolutely amazing and big God is. Anyways, it was so wonderful, it made me want to run around with my hands flung out! I didn't do that, though, don't worry.

This weekend is a long weekend so I am going to Nicaragua! I'm really excited about it-it will be fun to go to a different country and see what it has to offer. I've heard Nicaragua is beautiful! Please pray for safety and for an easy stop at the borders. Nicaragua is poorer than Costa Rica and is not as touristy, so this will be good in some ways but could create a disadvantage in others. Thanks so much-until next time!

Encouragement and Accountability

It has been six weeks since I left home. I have been doing really well, not being homesick at all and being able to communicate with my friends and family a lot. But lately I have felt a bit like I am lacking in the area of accountability. I was talking to my mom about this in email. I am so thankful for her-she is so full of wisdom and always has the right thing to say. Here’s what she had to say: “We are spiritually warm, safe, comfortable, well fed and well loved. Then there does come that time when we need to break out, dry our wings. Then try those wings. Where we are to completely embrace who we have become in Christ on our own…in other words, “show us what you’re made of” kinda stuff. It’s not easy. And you might make some wrong turns-or not make any turns because you just need to stay straight.” This totally makes sense to me-I feel like this is a true test of my faith. No one is here to tell me what they think, and no one is here to influence my decision. I can’t worry about what other people think about me, like I so often do. I have to figure out how to exercise my own faith-how to make it my own faith. I have been praying a lot about this and spending time in the Word, although probably not enough time. But I still crave the accountability I have back in the States and I haven’t known what to do about that.

Before I left, a bunch of you all wrote in a journal for me. It’s pink and has a big, sparkly flower on it. :-) My parents gave it to me at the airport and I read it on the plane and sobbed the entire time, completely blessed that I have such a great group of people praying for me. After that, though, I didn’t dare look at it because I didn’t want it to make me homesick. It is propped up on my desk and when I see it I remember you all, but I haven’t read it since then. Last night, I decided that I’m probably safe with not being homesick since it’s been so long. I had some spare time, so I went through the little photo album I brought, just looking at pictures of my family and friends. Then I opened the journal and read each of the entries people wrote. I didn’t cry until I got to my parents’ entries at the end (they’re all mushy and absolutely wonderful). But I was all of a sudden struck again with the fact that I DO have accountability here. It may not be face-to-face, but I have it. You are my accountability. The words you wrote encouraged me all over again and gave me fuel. Remembering that I have people back home who are praying for me and share in the joy I have in Jesus, is such a wonderful thought. So thank you to those of you who wrote in that journal. And thank you to everyone else who reads this who is praying for me and keeping me accountable. I know I haven’t learned everything God has for me on this trip-I still have 6 weeks left to learn a ton more! But I feel like this small thing-the encouragement of other believers written months ago-is so relevant to where I am now and is part of something God is teaching me. Thank you a million times over for your prayers-I can’t wait to see what He does in the next six weeks!

Random thoughts from Costa Rica

Wow, it's been a while sinc I posted!! It has been a very busy few weeks. First off, the power outages continued until last week when they finally stopped! It's really nice that they're over because you never knew when they'd go out or if you could be on the Internet or study at night, which got pretty frustrating after about a week.

Last weekend I took my first "independent" trip-that is, not sponsored through ISA. We went to Montezuma, which is a beach on the Nicoya Peninsula. It was fun, but different from what we expected! I went with 4 other girls and one guy. It ended up being slightly more expensive than we anticipated, because Montezuma is pretty tourist-oriented. We did stay in a hostel for pretty cheap, which was a new experience!! Before going to bed, I remember thinking that there was a high chance that a cockroach would crawl over me while I was sleeping, but I don't think it happened. If it did, I'm happy not knowing about it. :-) We did have a good time, though, and met some fun people that we ended up eating with and travelling back with. This weekend we went to yet another beach, called Jaco. It's a surf town and definitely has more of a party atmosphere than Montezuma. It was OK, but it rained a little, as the rainy season is just beginning here. It's funny how I took about a gazillion pictures my first couple of weeks here, and I think I took maybe 15 this weekend. I need to get on the ball of that! I guess it's because I've been to the beach the last 3 weekends, and how many pictures of beaches can you take before they all look the same? This weekend I think we're either going to tour a coffee plantation or possibly hike through a rain forest. We're not sure, we just don't want to go to another beach! :-)

Last week I also started volunteering at a daycare that's run through the Salvation Army. It is for underpriveleged kids and I am working with the 5-year-olds. They are really cute! They're a little difficult to understand, so I'm definitely going to get some great practice with my Spanish comprehension. I am also practicing commands ("Don't jump off the table!" "No, stop eating crayons and come sit down") and a different set of vocabulary words with these kids. It has been pretty hectic in the classroom the past couple of times I went, and sometimes the teacher just leaves and I have no idea where she went, when she'll be back, or what to do with the kids. But I'm starting to realize that it is so laid back and kind of doesn't matter, as long as I make sure the kids aren't killing each other or hurting themselves. It's also fun to talk to them and give them positive attention, which they really beg for.

This month a new group of students has come in, so there are a few more people around the ISA office and in our classes. It's really nice, but it stinks because they'll only be here for a month so it's going to be hard to build really great relationships with them. Also, those of us who have already been here and will be here longer have already grown very close. It's more like we're the "mentors" because they always ask us our opinion or what to do. Then again, I don't know everything because I haven't been here that long, and a lot of it is basically what I think and not solid truth about stuff. It's still fun getting to know them and helping them out, though!

That's enough for now-I'll post more picutres as soon as I get some good ones! Maybe of this coming weekend, or maybe I'll take some of my kids at the daycare. ¡Ciao!